mybestkungfu's Diaryland Diary

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better than EuroDisney

you want to shout 'how did this happen?!' and throw
your hands in the air in exasperation. you want to knit your
eyebrows together - and kind of pointing upwards in the middle,
making the look on your face one of utter confusion, thus implying
your innocence.

but you're not fooling anyone, hell, certainly not Stan,
your shoulder angel. he's been around since the first time
they showed up in your cerebral cortex when you were 5 and you
either poured near boiling water on your baby sister from an
unattended thermos - or dropped cigarette butts in your dad's
mouth while he slept. (that was a great week).

'I guess they're back' Stan says. He's referring to
the Demon Mardi Gras that rolls around every few years
like moochy relatives - to party it up in your brain. (hoorah!)

'remember that empty lot where Systems 2 used to be?' he says,
'you left it vacant when you took off to that sweet land down under.
i told you it was a bad idea.' he throws that last one in just
in case ANYONE is listening.

yes. apparantly while you were soaking in your bliss, filtering
sand in between your toes, getting thrown head first into the surf,
they snuck in on their creaky caravans and set up shop.
and two thousand horned little minions pounded the stakes into the
fertile ground composed of the remnants of your tag libraries -
and started construction on a fucking theme park to rival
the Sultan of Brunei's Juradong.

it's quite impressive actuallly. they thought of everything.
rides, restaurtants, burlesque shows, pet shops with vegetarian,
kosher, gourmet doggie snacks, an equestrian park,
and a medical facility.

'Hey you!', a small man in a tall hat slaps the back of your
knees, 'long time no see!'

'Hey Hall,' you reply sheepishly rubbing the back of your neck.
'thought i wouldn't see you guys around here for at least
another season..'

'We didn't think so neither, but we decided to cut the show
short in Washington...did you hear what we did with the bankruptcy law?'

you are all too familiar with the repercussions of this
fiasco. and you probably still have time to stop the
grand opening.

but dude, the flyers are up.
and the tickets are selling quick, bra.
word is out that this going to be the best
brain park opening since that time you
hacked into your kind-of ex-boyfriend's email and called his
kind-of new girlfriend in Melbourne and pretended
to be surprised that she didn't know you guys were still
playing Park the Pickle...
(she called him later that day. you were there. you listened
to her crying at the other end of the line).

so relax! sit back, take a stroll, have a cinammon-sprinkled
mini-doughnut, take a peek at what they got in the freak booths.
make sure Stan doesn't wander off into the burlesque tent this
year.
those DNA tests are still pending.

3:34 p.m. - Apr. 13, 2005

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