mybestkungfu's Diaryland
Diary
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i keel you dead
According to a statistc bulletin gathered in Scotland 3 years ago,
the number one emotion that feeds a murder is rage and/or fury. unlike what CSI would like us to believe, serial killing
is a rare phenomenon and if you are unlucky enough to be murdered,
the most likely reason is that you've pissed someone off. which brings us to how i tried to find an internet cafe
equipped with a scanner...
a scanner you say? that should be easy enough!
any first world country that's discovered their own ass orifice
has internet cafes equipped with scanners.
and also employ people who are familiar with the concept
of computers...
but the crusade went like this: i walk into one of TWO places on Norton street that has
computers for public use. Norton Street sits in Little Italy
and has about 30 restaurants and 50 pubs.
Gucci shoes, prada backpacks -
but no internet.
that's not too bad though -
as you'd think - it's a pretty
nice neighbourhood - older crowd. most people probably have computers and access in their homes.. yeah - but guess what? the area isn't ready for CABLE INTERNET hookup.
the vast majority don't even know what the hell it is yet!!!
we got dial up in the apartment yo!! - i'm digressing in my frustration -
anyway i walk up to this kid who's running the place.
he's about 12 and he's playing free cell on a computer.
i say 'do you have a scanner here?'.
he stands up and says 'uh huh.'
he is standing up with his body towards me but his face towards the computer and still playing free cell.
he asks me if i'm mailing it or if it's my own copy.
i brought a jump drive so i say 'no it's for me.'.
he walks over to the machine and says it just scans sheets.
so i have to rip the page out of my sketch book.
this bothers me a little.
one because what kind
of scanner only scans sheets and two
i like my sketchbook and am a little territorial with the stuff in it.
i figure it's for the better
good and i've ceased to be surprised by primitive technology.
i tear the hiarojuko figure out of the book and hand it to him.
'i need it at 300 DPI', i say.
the kid fiddles with the settings.
'it's in auto' he says.
i ask him what setting that is.
'600..' he says.
but he doesn't sound sure.
what the fuck ever.
i just need it done,
so i tell him 'fine.'
so he pushes a button and proceeds to photocopy the thing.
i can feel a vein in my temple start to surge with blood.
'yeh, that's great - but i need a digital copy', i say through
gritted teeth.
'a what?' he asks.
oh my god.
'i need a copy to put in this disk'. i say each word carefully in case
his head implodes from sheer cognitive
stress.
'oh. it doesn't do that' he says.
i envision turning the stick into
a sharp instrument and stabbing him with it.
'well do you know a place where they would
have that service?'.
i'm so pissed off i'm numb.
'yes, maybe Optus?' he suggests and walks
back to his computer to resume his free cell.
Optus is a phone company you sodding git.
so that was yesterday and most of
my anger has dissipated with Michael bringing
home bags of chips (potato chips/Crips)
in flavours that aren't out in the market yet.
Although i don't know how well 'Sweet and Sour Pork'
is going to do. But the 'Thai Curry Chicken'
wasn't bad. Suffice it to say that geek basket (not Michael)
was lucky i don't have super powers.
even though my top 3 powers of choice
are: invisibility, flight, and teleportation. maybe i would turn invisible and ruin all
his free cell games for the rest of his life.
http://www.scotland.gov.uk/stats/bulletins/00290-18.asp
Sometimes i think we're stranded on that
Dr. Moreau island.
It's like we're the only humans here.
10:34 p.m. - Feb. 09, 2005
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