mybestkungfu's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- JORGE today, this is for you: i was going to delete the emails you sent yesterday but i decided to read them first. i don't know where all the hostility was coming from but i do recall telling you that i wrote an entry THE NIGHT BEFORE YOU CALLED ME and it had nothing to do with you. i was writing about a conversation i had with someone else ABOUT someone else. you used to complain that i never wrote about you here. and i always told you that this blog wasn't created to write about my day to day. but it's fucking stupid how you always seem to connect it somehow to you. i couldn't understand why you would call me at work yesterday to tell me that - and i was back to where i was before trying to figure out how i had offended you/failed you YET AGAIN. and i was asked this: 'is this the first time he's misunderstood what you wrote on the blog?' - 'No'. 'Is this the first time he called you angry because he wanted an explenation?' - 'No' 'Well why are you surprised then?'... it seems that i can't string together the proper combination of words that wouldn't somehow be construed as attacking you. even though i've never done anything - or said anything to you before. and i keep telling you not to read this blog to try to get an insight on what's happening with you. i can't refrain from posting things because i'm afraid that there may be some miniscule similarity to a memory or conversation that you and i have had and will therefore insult you. all i've ever done from the beginning is accept you and it's scary that it's never enough. i can't do enough to keep your paranoia at bay - all i get is anger and harassment. have i ever called you to demand anything? have i ever threatened you or said anything hateful to you? How many times have you called me to accuse me of shit i haven't done?! it doesn't even matter to you that i'm suffocating. your last threatening email was horrible and psychotic. i don't think that i knew you at all. - i am no longer receiving emails from my usual address. as well, i'm moving from the apartment and taking another job. please leave me alone. 4:22 p.m. - Nov. 22, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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