mybestkungfu's diary

mybestkungfu's Diaryland Diary

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stagnant

i don't really have anything to say except to bitch about my weight, my never-ending to do list, my un-stamped passport and couch potato weekends.
114lbs.

10:25 p.m. - Mar. 25, 2010

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had my son's 3rd birthday. at Chuck E Cheese. i thought it would be less stressful than planning the party at our house. it was gawdawfulbedlam. they fill the place like a nightclub to max capacity with sugar-filled children. deafening.
at least BB had a good time. he had a crown on his head when Chuck E. came by to shake his hand (birthday congrats), BB's crown fell and the picture i snapped was of this kid without a face, just a crown on top of little shoulders.
i barely got any pictures of my family though - none of my dad.
spoke to Tita A this weekend. I get sad everytime I do because I don't get to see her very often. i'll print the pics though and send her some.

10:23 p.m. - Feb. 21, 2010

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time stamp!

10:22 p.m. - Feb. 21, 2010

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unGooglable

had lunch with Mean.
he's working on a documentary, trying to get a grant. one of our old roomates was a lead designer on a video game that's geting good reviews. 3 of the guys that he used to work with at that small animation studio worked on AVATAR.
one of the guys worked on all 3 LOTR movies.
i came back from lunch and was chatting with a co-worker. he's laying down tracks, putting a demo together. i mentioned that i used to date this guy that was in an R&B group. i googled him and he's producing music for a tv show.
of course i googled myself right after.
blah nada.
dang, lazybones.
one of my new years resolutions then is to be Googlable.

8:40 p.m. - Jan. 11, 2010

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money in, money out

oh and the renters that live in our first house are MOVING OUT the end of January. great.

11:35 p.m. - Dec. 29, 2009

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christmas holidays

left the monkeys at my parents house for the week. Nanny is there too which makes me feel better about it.
tonight, i watched a whole episode of Law and Order SVU without a single interuption! and M and I were able to hit the pub last night to watch the game. it was nice though our topics of converstation involve re-enacting every cute thing our kids have said and done since they were born.
tomorrow i work for almost 17 hours. we're getting ready for a company split. i have all my movies on my jump drives and DVDs paccked and ready to watch all day.
i'm 115lbs bitches! i'm getting thin.
except my boobs are a saggy wreck from breastfeeding and i still have wrinkly belly skin.
i have to start on the yoga.

11:24 p.m. - Dec. 29, 2009

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nanny time

our nanny is here. she seems really nice. i found out today that she owes the agency 3 THOUSAND dollars for placing her. that's pretty ridiculous considering how much the agency asked from us. I don't think 10 pages of paperwork and a phone interview is worth 4 grand.
they are taking advantage of women who are desparate to get out of their situation. our nanny previously had to work 15 hour days when she was with her employer in HK. apparantly that's pretty common. she also worked in Kuwait and she told me that was worse.

8:57 p.m. - Nov. 24, 2009

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still poor

i've holed myself up all week in an empty office that i only have the key to. great view. nice and quiet. i can call whoever i want. sit and do my work.
i would rather get promoted like half of my team is but i'm pretty much the newest person since i took a year of mat leave.
i hope it happens soon as a 16K raise would really help my awful wardrobe.
i'm down to a stable 119 lbs. fifteen pounds to go - give or take. Michael has made space in the garage for my treadmill (hint hint). i was pretty crappy with him for awhile but every once in a while (twice this year) we get plastered together and remember why we still love each other etc (ie. we got together for a lot of doing it) .
my PMS was horrid last week. i wanted to stab him with blunt objects. the rage went with my period so i've been nice since ..last Friday(?)

let me talk about my awful wardrobe. i have a handful of dresspants/slacks that i can wear. one of them is too short. one of them kind of looks like plaid pajamas,
one's too tight - after i wear it i have red welts around my midsection, one is too out of style looking, it goes on. my winter coat is about 10 years old.
my dress shoes are also out of style and i was just happy to get a bunch of black dress socks last month. i realize i have to stop looking like a douchebag because
there rotations in my schedule where i'm dealing with clients a lot but money has been tight for awhile. If those guys renting our first house leave and we have to pay 2 mortgages we're going to be screwwwwed.

i have all these ideas for businesses but i don't pay enough attention to the one i've started...
i see friends succeeding and wish i had the same stamina? drive? blerg. i should go sketch.

10:16 p.m. - Nov. 10, 2009

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i went back to work a few weeks ago.
it's been good.

10:45 p.m. - Oct. 04, 2009

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red crimson

my daughter is so beautiful. i know that every mom says that. she's already more demanding that BB ever was. she gets angry if you don't do what she wants, stop doing what she likes, wants something you have.
that's my girl. i kiss and hug her a hundred times a day easy.
half the time i want to leave her on a nun's doorstep.

9:56 p.m. - Sept. 19, 2009

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married sex

i threw my back out and got a UTI last week. related injuries. lame.

11:47 p.m. - Aug. 30, 2009

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nanny nanny bobanny

i chose a nanny. her name is. i'll just call her Belle. i hope she is good with my children.
the Destroyer picked out his outfit today. fisherman's hat, wife-beater, long shorts and galoshes. we drove to the Mac's to get a slushee and some candy. it's freakin' hot today.

1:25 p.m. - Jul. 23, 2009

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stuff

i don't know what prompts my 2 and a half year old son to run naked from a shower, turn on the radio and dance on the bed. then he yells 'guess! guess!' which is his word for 'dance'. then we all gotta do our half assed, arm waving, swaying to the music thing.
I am sitting in Michael's office waiting for them to come back. He took Chew for a walk and didn't lock the front door so of course i'm paranoid.
It was nice though earlier. i am carrying BB, Michael has SF, and we're all dancing to the music. the littlest one does this thing now where it looks like she's getting up, sitting down, getting up etc. i think that's her dancing. i can't remember what i was going to write initially.
well i'm off to play Civilization with the husband.
oh yeah, i remembered - i was going to say something about my nanny search.
i'll tell you tomorrow.

10:52 p.m. - Jul. 10, 2009

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Wiis, Wisdom Teeth, Whining

i'm getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow. i should be cleaning the house right now. i'm so freakin' slack. Michael's always on me about putting the towels on the rack the right way, not using his toothbrush, leaving my house slippers at the bottom of the stairs for him to trip on...blada blah.
on another note, we finally got a Wii. i bet it'll be at least a month before the remotes start collecting dust.

11:27 p.m. - Jun. 25, 2009

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Dot Dot

it's funny to think that i didn't want a daughter. have i said this before?
and already i treat them differently. my son - he's my buddy. whenever there's something new i can teach/show him i'm all for it. we sat on the front steps when it rained. i take him to the corner store, Tim's so he can pick out a snack. he knows what 'choppy' (shopping means). he knows which buttons are for the garage door, the elevator, the DVD player, the stereo.
but with Dot (my daughter - her nickname's forever changing) - she's my cuddle bunny.
i hope i dont' make her stupid.

11:17 p.m. - Jun. 25, 2009

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visiting the italians

we drove to Van for a week to visit Michael's family. rented a Yukon because we wouldn't have been able to fit everyone and our gear into the Camry. stayed at a hotel while Michael's nonna's place is being renovated. i love that neighbourhood. it kind of reminds me of Queens NY. residentials but everything is within walking distance. except not ghetto.
we can get a house half the size of what we're living in now for a little less than a million dollars.
i hope we'll be able to move there sooner than later.

11:10 p.m. - Jun. 25, 2009

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in dire need of a nap

drove Michael to the clinic because of a stiff neck that couldn't be fixed with muscle relaxants and tons of advil. he couldn't even shoulder check.
maybe they should have checked his hand signal skills because i almost rammed into the stairs in the garage while he was helping me in.

5:57 p.m. - Jun. 03, 2009

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the point and feather

went out for drinks with the girls. i'm getting used to driving the stick shift. but i did 3 u-turns trying to find the pub.
we look pretty normal the bunch of us. 4 of us were married moms. the other two in long term relationships. we talked about our husbands/boyfriends, babies, houses. We are in oil and gas, consulting, insurance, and engineering companies.
after 2 hours we start talking about drugs. who prefers acid to E and who freaks out on 'shrooms.
i drove home barefoot - the heels of my flip flops were getting caught under the pedals. an old song that i liked was playing on the radio and in the dark i felt 10 years younger.
i noticed wrinkles around my eyes today. damn.

11:29 p.m. - Jun. 02, 2009

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i've been on holidays.
well visiting my family in Edm.
getting the crazies at home i think.
Chewy was getting better, then her progress plateaued, then i think she's getting worse again.
my poor little puppy.

11:43 p.m. - May. 31, 2009

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back from the Mayan Riviera

Chewy is doing better now. She's currently at the groomers. she's not the same dog but she's been wagging her tail, begging for food, and not bumping into stuff as much. i've got to call the specialist again in 2 weeks to report on her progress.
I came back from Mexico last week (went to Ai's wedding in the Mayan Riviera - beautiful).
i called Healthlink last night and they said that the incubation period for the swine flu was 10 days. i doubt i contracted anything. i barely left the resort.
frick, i got really dark. but i had fun. playing pool volleyball, hanging out at the swim-up bar, lounging on those sunbeds; and at night we'd hit up the hacienda to check out cheesy shows and dancing.
i hope next time (when swine-flu season is over) Michael can come with. he stayed at home with the kids this time. i've been having cabin fever at home.

1:52 p.m. - Apr. 28, 2009

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jimmy chew-bacca

we've been taking Chewy to vet appointments and they still haven't figured out what exactly is wrong.
today they gave her morphine to check if there is an obstruction in her bowels or what is making her walk funny.
on tuesday she has to see an eye specialist.
my pre-emptive tactic is crying all the time now so that if/when we have to put her down i'll be okay.
i feel so bad for her. i hope she's not in pain.

1:53 a.m. - Apr. 06, 2009

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snow

so it snowed Sunday night. when we went swimming that afternoon - it was sunny. by the time we left our friends' house around 1 am, it was snowing so hard outside that i couldn't keep up brushing the snow off the car windows. i'd do the windshield, the passengers, the back, and by the time i got back to the windshield, there was a blanket of snow on it again. pardon my shitty spelling, i don't want to spell check today.
so it's been snowing off and on.
this morning i drove to the grocery store with my son and after a few blocks, i noticed a spot on the back window that was blocking my view.
so i pulled over to brush it off. i had to scrape it because it iced over.
when i tried to pull back out, the car slid farther into the snow.
this good samaritan walked up after a few minutes and tried pushing but i was totally stuck he had to get a shovel to dig me out.
meanwhile BB is in the backseat going 'baba? baba?!'
then another guy came by and they both pushed me out of it.
i called Michael but he couldn't verywell leave the house, i left SF with him and she had woken up and started crying.
but Michael did see us out the bedroom window.
i drove back home after i was freed from the snowbank (to check on SF).
Michael said 'you looked cute kicking snow from the back tires'.
'that was a dude' i said.

10:45 p.m. - Mar. 23, 2009

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124 lbs

i got into my size 4 jeans biznitches!
i'm down to 124lbs. that's still 18 lbs more than i want to be though. i'm on the South Beach diet. kind of. i still eat some junk but i stay away from bread, rice, chocolate. those are my triggers. i'm not drinking diet pop though as i have a hunch it's giving me hives.
maybe these jeans were sized down.
i bet it's really a six.

10:29 p.m. - Mar. 23, 2009

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the not-so-terrible twos

BB's birthday party was this saturday. although it wasn't quite as i had planned - the manifesto i wrote wasn't followed to the T. i left out a bunch of things. but it went great. my sister came over and did magic with the desserts. gummi worms coming out of piped grass on a mini cupcake. basket weave piping with buttercream icing. etc.
helium balloons. clean house. didn't get mad at my dad once. BB got about half a dozen remote controlled cars/trucks, a 2 screen DVD player for the car, books, home made playdoh, more cars and trucks, stickers of cars and trucks, a shirt with a car on it...
i almost freaked out when he was blowing his candle - he blew it out with his nose and i thought he inhaled it. everyone went dead quiet - i think they thought he got hurt. when he laughed, everyone clapped.
i forgot to make loot bags. i'll probably forget to mail thank you cards. i hope i don't. everyone was great. i really had a good time this time. usually i'm too stressed.
and BB had a blast. i love that kid.
the other day he got in trouble (i think for spitting milk in a puddle on the floor)- i took his sippy cup away and he started crying. i said 'cry quietly please.' and he did.
he just nodded and he was sobbing without a sound. i almost lost it.

today when he woke up from his nap, i said 'Connor's here, let's play with Connor! (my sister's son).'
he ran to the guestroom door, pounded on it and when no one responded he went 'oh no! night night!' (meaning Connor must still be napping). he also does this fake laugh where he's got his mouth wide open, his eyes shut, and he does a big obnoxious 'BAHAHAHAHAA'.
what a great kid.

11:52 p.m. - Mar. 01, 2009

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monday

we've moved into the new house, our old and crappy furniture. our new hopes and our old habits. our goals and our fatigue.
yeah, i know, shut up.
i took the Destroyer (my son) to Gymboree today. after 45 minutes the other children were sitting down calmly looking at soap bubbles that the instructor was blowing into the air. the Destroyer was charging up and down trying to smash them...at one point a particular bubble tht he was following landed on the instructors shirt front. i saw him pause - actually freeze midrun - as if contemplating his next move. then he laughed and slapped at her shirt. she was busy singing and didn't think anything of it.

9:24 p.m. - Feb. 09, 2009

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"you can never escape the cycle of blood." (Afro Samurai)

i got my period today despite the fact that i'm still breastfeeding.
wtf.

12:08 a.m. - Jan. 16, 2009

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i used to

* stay up all night. i still do
except it's not voluntary.

* have an extensive underwear collection.
i still do except it's not lingerie, it's socks.

* love shoe and clothes shopping.
now i spend most of my time at craft stores
and the supermarket.

* wear a size 0. now i'm a snug 8.

* be terrified of commitment, now i can't
imagine being with anyone else except
Matt Damon and maybe Dexter - but being
with Michael IS being with Dexter except
Michael doesn't kill people - he kills jokes.

* think that i would love having a family.
and i was right. except holy crap, i'm exhausted.

2:02 a.m. - Jan. 13, 2009

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those who can, do. those who can't, pray

you mean we didn't have deal with mortgage brokers, lawyers, commisioners, and home builders?
that all we needed to do was PRAY for the house?
well let's drop the negotiations and give the bank, God's contact info!
and while we're at it, i'm going to stop cleaning the livingroom because maybe it's just meant to be messy.

3:25 p.m. - Jan. 09, 2009

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i don't want to evolve

i don't want to leave the Creature stage in Spore. i like the idea of finding all the parts and killing/befriending all the creatures on my planet.

12:25 a.m. - Jan. 08, 2009

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waiting to go to the supermarket

this awful house situation is going to drive me to drink.
i'm waiting for the babies to go to sleep so i can duck out to go grocery shopping. i can hear BB on the monitor tossing and turning. sometimes he gets out of bed to get toys and i'll find them piled up in the sheets the next morning. SF is having problems settling to sleep. i can tell that she's so tired but she fights it. last night she woke up at 4am and we didn't get back to sleep till almost 7.
i hate all the slush on the roads. it gets on the wheels of the strollers, on our shoes, then we get in the car/house and it's a freaking mess.

7:33 p.m. - Jan. 07, 2009

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on our zip list, Michael has movies like "Samurai II: Duel at Ichijoji Temple"
and i have movies like "A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell"

3:43 p.m. - Jan. 05, 2009

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high resolutions

we're watching Dexter. the babies are both alseep (for now).
i'm pretty stoked for the stuff i'm planning to get done this year.

WOrk:
-real estate license
-sell 2 houses (at least)
-35 shirt designs

HOme:
-family outings once a month w. pics
-gymboree for my son
-nanny for the kids

PLay:
-graphic design course
-sew dresses for my neices, friends' daughters
-go to Ai's wedding
-get down to 103lbs
-photobook

now that i've written it here, i'll never lose it!
not like the 3 lists that i've re-written and lost already since the day after Christmas.
maybe i should put 'stop losing things' on that list...

11:12 p.m. - Jan. 02, 2009

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nye

we went to a pajama party. it was pretty chill. we did the countdown three times because no one's watches/phones/nintendo DSs were synchronized.

6:02 a.m. - Jan. 02, 2009

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if my shitty memory serves me correctly, 5 years ago today, Squid and I decided to hang out at Times Square to watch the ball drop, so we got there (late) - 3 IN THE AFTERNOON. and stood there in the crush of people for 9 hours without a bathroom to go to.
they barricaded us in there so in wouldn't get too crowded but it was already way too crowded.
and when the ball did drop, i couldn't see it because some stupid statue or building protrusion was in the way.
but it was pretty cool afterward.
i think we might have walked home.
a little less than a hundred blocks?
i still have those red and white confetti things that they shot into the air when the clock struck. i found a bunch in my pocket a few days later.
i remember someone stopping my cousin and going 'hey, it's the asian Harry Potter'.
we also tried on hats that evening.
i have pictures.
why would someone open their hat store in the middle of the night New Years Eve?

7:14 a.m. - Dec. 31, 2008

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i've been up for over 2 hours. my kids are killing me.
5 short years ago, i was staying up till 4:30 am, now i'm waking up at it.
and 5 short years ago, i was squatting in my cousin's apartment in NY and making some drastic changes to my life.
i almost forget who i was then.
probably the same person with the same memory skills.
although sex is no longer a weapon of choice. if i want to piss someone else off these days, i just take away their sippy cup.

7:00 a.m. - Dec. 31, 2008

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i got an olive branch extended to me via facebook. a cousin who stopped speaking to me around the time i started this journal. it was a tumultuous time really. and it was/is in his nature to be hypersensitive/easily offended just as it was/is in my nature to be oblivious/inconsiderate. plus i believe i was breaching some territory by sleeping with his friend. incidentally, i think i might have burned a few bridges going that route. i just like the burning smell i suppose.

9:52 a.m. - Dec. 31, 2008

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go to sleep already

oh, the house thing got extended till January 9th.

i should really be in bed.

12:45 a.m. - Dec. 30, 2008

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i call my son Butterbutt because when he was younger and being breastfed, his poo diapers smelled like butter popcorn.

- does anyone understand what the H Penelope Cruz is saying?

12:35 a.m. - Dec. 30, 2008

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effin' freaky.
the trailer for the Unborn came on TV and while i was watching and getting scared crapless, Butterbutt started crying upstairs.

12:30 a.m. - Dec. 30, 2008

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holiday madness

i got a call from a girl we met in Oz. her husband and baby got stuck at the airport and they were all sick. i got Michael to drive out with a bunch of clothes and supplies. i didn't go - i didn't want the kids to get sick too.

an old friend messaged me on facebook and wanted to meet up while he's in town for the holidays.
i realize now that i don't have time to meet up with anyone. i barely have time to be nice to Michael.

my sister drove up with her family and her and i made cards while the guys nerded it up on Rockband for 2 days.
we discussed start up businesses. i forgot to make mashed yam. Butterbutt and my sister's son played together and managed not to maim each other. at one point they were trying to jump out of the window of the ball pit at the same time. why are boys like that?

Butterbutt now recognizes and says 'chockit' (choclate). he's a fiend. i cut up a piece of chocolate into teeny pieces and ask him if he wants to have some with Mama. he totally tries to get away with not sharing.
speaking of chocolate, i've been eating so much the past week, if you cut me caramel will ooze out.

i'm looking forward to a chill new years eve with friends.

11:38 p.m. - Dec. 29, 2008

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Michael has declared a spending freeze until the end of January. i went grocery shopping for 2 hours last night and came back going 'i don't know why we're spending so much money and i'm not buying anything crazy...'
of course i was proven wrong.
kind of.
Christmas deals are not impulse items.

on the other hand, i can't believe we have a storage thing and our garage full of stuff and our house still looks cluttered.

1:45 p.m. - Dec. 27, 2008

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Christmas is over - 364 days left till next time

i remember the first time i had turkey dinner. i thought everything was gross. turkey smelled funny (still does). i hate food without form - so mashed potatoes were awful. and the stuffing was the worst. soggy, mushy bread. cranberry sauce? yuck.
but now i've grown to appreciate it.
i actually like stuffing now. and yam.
but mostly i like having a bunch of people sitting around and eating.
i would definatley have Christmas dinner again at my house next year.
if i haven't bought my apartment in New York that is.
i only need a hundred thousand dollars worth of a down payment!

6:44 p.m. - Dec. 26, 2008

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merry christmas

nothing like killing the Christmas feeling than prepping for dinner at your house. it's probably going to be nice and festive with everyone over tomorrow - but i've just been worried over the whole thing. now i get to worry about breaking Michael's grandmother's dinnerware.
on the upside, i got to buy table setting stuff. like a hundred dollar table cloth from Linens N Things - on sale for 35 buckeroos. and charger plates!
"blah blah blah charger plates" I said.
"I know, i know, " he replied, "You've been telling me about them for 5 years - they're plates that you don't eat off of. the bottom line is that they're plates."
then he's all surprised when he opens the box and it says 'not for food products'.
you know what you put on charger plates?
more plates.

1:17 a.m. - Dec. 25, 2008

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i subscribe to a babyweekly newsletter.
this week's topic (week 9) was about finding good childcare when your maternity leave is up.
what the hell?
dude, 9 weeks of maternity leave is ridiculous. people were asking me why i went back to work early at 9 months (being Canadian - our mat leaves are a year).
and in Sweden it's 3 years!
i mean my kids drive me crazy and i love being at work - but going back right now is unthinkable.
i would miss out on so much complaining.

12:47 p.m. - Dec. 21, 2008

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country boobkin

so we're at this get together at this person's really nice house. and they have this grand piano in the livingroom and they've hired a piano guy and we're in the livingroom with a 16ft. ceiling and someone's talking about which stable whoever's horse is at and i'm thinking 'holy crap i feel poor'.
but my boobs are bigger than everyone else's so nyah.

(btw: current weight 144lbs. still chunk but getting somewhere)

12:24 a.m. - Dec. 21, 2008

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oh me, of little faith

the house nightmare continues.
we're due for a walk-through today.
it's funny/sad.
i might be awake at this hour because of stress - my divababy woke up and fell asleep an hour ago. breastfeeding is crazy convenient in that you don't have to get up to prep the milk but tiring because no one can do this in your stead. ('in your stead'...Michael used that term today. he's always verbally channeling old people).

i'm pretty sure the house thing is a bust but Michael is trying to redefine what constitutes a 'dead horse'
and continues to flay it.
i think i was more upset the first time i thought we were going to lose the house. then we got
some good news.
then we got some bad news.
then we got some good news again.
then this afternoon we got more bad news.
but then an hour later there was a loophole.
whatever really. just tell me that i can unpack. my son BB, is getting bored. i packed most of his toys.
he asks me if he can play 'Bobbo' (bubbles) in the kitchen sink.

6:19 a.m. - Dec. 12, 2008

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superfluous minimalist

i'm looking at pretentious furniture online. i have to turn off the sound each time i click on a link.
i liked the half moon shaped couches. except it's probably not too comfortable to sleep on because you totally can't stretch out straight.

9:28 p.m. - Dec. 10, 2008

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still no word.
how irritating is this?
and our renter is MOVING IN next Monday.
what the heck are we going to do
if we're still living here.
lame.
well i'm going to do some stress eating.

8:52 p.m. - Dec. 08, 2008

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snowed in and watching movies

we got a good dump today.
i missed my class so i decided to buy a movie for the boy and craft stuff so i could spend the snow day properly.

it was snowing so hard by the time i got out of the supermarket people were getting stuck in the parking lot with their shopping carts.
it kind of sucked that the the Christmas tree wasn't up - because that would have totally made it.

it was awesome though. all of us lounging on the couch in our jammies watching movies. BB's style of non-confrontational cuddling and SF being the total opposite. even the Chewy was into it.

oh yeah we went to a house party the other day and the kid had a really nice house
- which reminded me about the state of limbo with our house - which we find out about tomorrow -
eeeeeee!

2:54 a.m. - Dec. 08, 2008

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house of cards

this house thing is turning into a nightmare.
it's so effing stressful that i'm doing the bargaining thing
that you usually do on the 7th step of the 8th step progression
before you accept that you're dying of a fatal disease.
i'm saying stuff to myself like 'if we get this house stuff fixed,
i'll get my realtor's license for sure...'.
blah yada.
no really though it sucks.
meanwhile i'm reading about Madge (Madonna) and A-Rod
(baseball player she's been boning) on realestalker and it says that
they've been shopping for a double wide townhouse on the UES
(Upper EastSide - new york).

So - remembering my townhouse years when i was in grade 5 -
i was all 'who wants to live in a townhouse when you can
live in a real house? (detached)'.
then i read on and it turns out the 'little townhouse' that
i pictured in my head is actually a 13 bedroomed, Georgian
monster, 4 stories, 11 ft. ceilings, 9 fireplaces, and an elevator.
on yeah 12 THOUSAND square feet not including the 3 thousand
square foot garden.
priced between 30 and 60 mil btw.
this is a townhouse?!!
they're buying a mini mall for petesakes.

but i digress.
i really want to not lose money on this deal.
i really don't want to have to re-address my Christmas cards.
and i really don't want to hear stuff like
'i told you so' and i'm probably going to punch
the next person that says,
'oh it just wasn't meant to be'.
(who the 'h' says that?).
either way, the lesson is, we either need to start making way more money
or start settling for a whole lot less.
and maybe next time, we won't tell anyone about new house plans
till we've moved in...

1:47 a.m. - Dec. 04, 2008

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Er'body in the house getting sickly

we're all ill. runny noses, chills, baby coughs,
short tempers, even the dog is cranky.
"at worst, we'll forfeit 42 grand" he says. oh.
does that mean we buy regular Christmas lights
instead of LED?
our finances seem surreal after Michael started taking care of it all.
actually it's always been a little surreal.
the four of us will end up huddled on a street corner
begging for food one day and i'll turn to Michael and go 'oh you mean buuuddgett'...
for the record i haven't been buying stuff
- i've only been out of the house for groceries!
it's like i'm Britney Spears trapped in the house.
except instead of producing an album, i'm making my own Christmas cards.

12:01 a.m. - Dec. 02, 2008

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'we have enough youth - what about a fountain of smart?'

i don't know if it's genetic or if we just bring out the inner morons in each other.
at one point when my parents were over -
and my dad was meandering through a story Big Fish-style - i noticed that he was drinking out of my coke can.
and so was my mom.
there weren't any other cans out - they finished theirs but forgot.
so now we're all sick.

i think it's a little premature to assume that Twilight
is a full blown pop culture phenomenon.

8:59 a.m. - Dec. 01, 2008

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deleting old blogs

i wrote this about my son BB - when he was 12 weeks and a day old:

12 weeks and a day
Luke was 12 weeks old yesterday.
we drove to Vancouver for the long weekend for M's grandad.
driving to Vancouver took us 19 (NINETEEN) hours.
Luke was such a good sport.
he only woke up to eat - which is what he usually does.
the dog was more fussy.
i sometimes feel bad because he's such a good baby
and doesn't complain - that i might not be giving him
enough attention.
i'm sure i don't change his diapers as often as i should.
the Itzbeen diaper readout said 8 hours and 27 minutes
this morning before i changed it.

9:20 p.m. - Nov. 30, 2008

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the kids aren't alright

the kids are plotting against us.
as soon as BB goes to bed SF wakes up and does her 'hold me' routine till way into the night.
i should be working on that website but i've held off for lame reasons. i'm stuttering at my inexperience. my amateur design skills. i'm watching Gossip Girl getting distracted by Louboutin peep toes.
gotta go - SF calls.

7:49 p.m. - Nov. 30, 2008

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i'm probably going to say this a few more times - but hopefully never to my little girl's face - her brother was never like this! she went to bed at about 1:30am and decided to get up a couple of more times before 4:30am. and then a couple more times till 7:30 when i decided i might as well get up.
i've put her in a swing and now she's snoozing again.
and she cries for stuff that ButterButt never cried about. if he ever cried - it was always for food. and food.
if she cries it's 'hold me, hold me'. then 'you're not holding me right', then 'put me down!'.
in a way it's kind of good because i'm actually having to learn how to read her. with BB because he rarely cried, on the times that he did, i would totally freak out. my nerves would be frazzled in seconds.
she cries so much in a day that i'm totally used to it now. i'm not jumping to conclusions that she is bleeding internally or that i'm messing her up psychologically...
being a first time mom kind of sucked for a while.
now when my second baby starts to fuss, i just go 'hold on a second, mama's gotta finish doing this one thing...'

8:07 a.m. - Nov. 30, 2008

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Michael is so stressed out his Narcolepsy is going to kick in.
it's like Sleeping Beauty.
She didn't fall asleep because of a prick (haha).
she just didn't want to deal with the stress. you know palace maintenance, people plotting to kill her etc.
Snow White neither. there was no poison apple. she probably just hooked up with one of the dwarves and didn't feel like dealing with the aftermath. this way she could just go 'oh wait, only a prince can fix this mess etc'...

i have a lot of stuff to do. i forgot to register a website and it got cancelled, i have to fax stuff to the bank, pick up the hellboy from the dayhome, pick up dinner, clean the house before my parents get here, kill the spazzy dog...
and the tv did break.
now that's stressfull.

11:45 a.m. - Nov. 26, 2008

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crap, the TV just broke!

our walk-through for the new house is scheduled for 9am tomorrow.
which means we have to beat morning traffic and leave here by 7:45.
my parents are also driving up and will be here around lunchtime.
they say they'll be here by then which means i should expect them by 3.
their trip back to the islands sounded like a success.
mom bought property without consulting my dad - as per usual.
i told my friend about it and he's all 'why would your mom do something like that?'.
what does he mean? that stuff's hilarious. my mom's funny like that.
then she'll give me a hard time because i litter.
it works for her though.
i just wish i'd inherited the same package of traits
because my style doesn't work as well.
like i'm kind of mean to my husband like she is - except
i don't have her work ethic which means i don't make
as much money as she does.
which means i can't really afford to be a jerk.
it's lucky that i'm also indifferent.

12:26 a.m. - Nov. 26, 2008

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zzzzz

my life has been reduced to watching design shows in the afternoons.
i think the effed up sleep schedule is starting to catch up to me. i haven't had more than 3 hours of sleep straight since having the baby. i fell back asleep after Michael left with Luke - woke up after lunch.
i got on the scale again and it's pretty discouraging. i've been thinking about getting on the treadmill upstairs. while i was thinking about it the last time and trying to get her to sleep - she just woke up and fussed so i lay down with her and that's when i conked out.
now that i've had half an hour to myself to make lunch, she's up and fussing again.
i don't know if i'm more physically tired or psychologically tired.

1:35 p.m. - Nov. 25, 2008

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i can't get anything done.
i feel like i'm in 'Momento'.
the little girl just fell asleep and i can either keep
reading my design book or go to sleep for 3 hours (till her next feed).

it's hard to gain any kind of momentum because i keep getting interupted
regardless of what i'm doing.
i knew it was going to be hard - i didn't expect the disjointedness.

as for the awards night - it turned out to be a good evening in the end.
i admit i felt intimidated in the beginning but after awhile whatever.
like if you're running a race with someone who's slightly ahead you would push yourself because
you'd be pissed if they won, but you wouldn't be mad at all if they lapped you, because heck, that's impressive.
people were nice. they might have been a little to gregarious regarding their profession but i guess if you have that much drive/tenacity
you deserve 50 grand a month.

oh, they weren't hookers.

12:35 a.m. - Nov. 25, 2008

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all i want for Christmas is bulimia

i'm so fat, i'm having slight social anxiety. or maybe not that slight.
it's pretty bad.
i'm 5ft. tall and 150lbs.
now i have to pay special attention to my hair and makeup to compensate.

i'm trying to think of excuses to not go out tonight.
stuff like 'Baby won't take a bottle...Baby is too young to be left without me...my stomah hurts...i think the dog's dead..'
it's only semi-formal but i'm pretty sure i'm going to feel outdressed and outfaced.
i guess i'll have to use humour to connect with people.

2:44 p.m. - Nov. 21, 2008

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Brad Pitt's on Oprah

it's like she has radar!
when i try to take a nap with her she wakes up half an hour later - which wakes me up and then i can't go back to sleep. so then i leave but SHE goes back to sleep. for another 3 hours.
what the hell baby.
i'll fight you.
or maybe i'm waking her up with my snoring.

3:41 p.m. - Nov. 19, 2008

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pantry envy

the thing that i'm most excited about the new house is the walk-through pantry.
no, not walk-IN. walk-THROUGH.
it's a small hallway.
i could hide a family of stow-aways in it.
yippeee!
no really.
i'm pumped for it.
i want to buy non-perishables in bulk and then line it all up on the shelves with the labels facing outwards so that when i peruse through - it will feel like i'm in a teeny grocery store.
like a corner store but without the ridiculous prices.
oh shut up.

3:53 a.m. - Nov. 18, 2008

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of course i still hate suburbia

so (if i haven't mentioned it already) we're getting another house (crippling mortgage). and renting this one (hope it doesn't get trashed). and moving to another part of the suburbs (dullsville).
i know - it's not like i would have been comfortable raising babies downtown (although Sunnyside would have been perfect).
i guess i'm feeling a little isolated out here. i can't just walk out the door and be in a coffee shop in under 5 minutes. can't really sit by the window and people watch. can't really call a friend and walk over to their place (as i haven't made friends in the neighborhood - although the woman next door asked us for coffee but i wasn't feeling sociable and haven't reciprocated the invitation).
if i was really that bored, i'd start an affair online. but that's gross.
i don't miss the secret rendevous(es). i miss the shopping.

3:35 a.m. - Nov. 18, 2008

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mom hobbies

i joined kind of a craft club a few months ago. we get together once a month and make..uh..crafts...cards, coasters etc.
i wasn't really into going to the meetings in the beginning - i didn't feel like i fit in - i just wanted to order the rubber stamps stuff and plus i'm a stationary nerd so i'm really into the nice paper and ink pads and crap.
anyway, it's almost time to renew my membership and i was all going to quit but now i'm rethinking my decision.
i mean i'm forced out of the house everynow and then, i get to order crap i don't need to make crap i don't use, and the moms are real nice and the gossip is starting to get good!

3:23 a.m. - Nov. 18, 2008

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the one where i don't get any sleep

how do you say 'it's night time, stop goofing around - in babyspeak?'
the littlest one is up again.
last night we stayed up till 3.
i think she's going to stay up a bit longer this time around.
at least i had a couple of naps in the afternoon. it's going to be interesting when we move to the new house and the boy stays home full time.
i think the kids are plotting against us. as soon as the Munckin goes to bed, the Princess decides it's time to wake up...they probably don't want us to have anymore kids.

i need to get a new family doctor.
i've been seeing the current one for almost a year.
he seems too young though - he doesn't instill confidence. and sometimes when he's speaking it looks like he's reading cue cards somewhere above my head.

3:09 a.m. - Nov. 18, 2008

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the one with the needy baby

my 4 week old daughter is a cuddler.
when she's awake she just wants to be held.
she obviously doesn't get this from me as my cuddling stamina is poor.
so i wrap her up in her blankie and marvel at her beautiful baby features, her perfect pouty lips and pudgy cheeks. then after 5 minutes i start to notice how warm she is. and how my arm itches. and how she's probably overheating.
but if i put her down she'll fuss.
so i hold her and hold her.
one time i woke up in the sitting position with a crick in my neck
and she was sprawled on my lap like she passed out drunk asleep.

9:39 p.m. - Nov. 09, 2008

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short cuts

apparently i'm irritable.
everytime Michael leans in to kiss me i want to punch him in the face.
though he cut his finger on a tin can lid tonight (trying to push down a bag of garbage that i filled) and i felt bad.
he stood over the bathroom sink with his hand under running water until it stopped bleeding.
we packed all but 2 small inadequate sized bandaids in the medicine cabinets and he had to look for them himself because i can't find my own butt in a phone booth.
then he asked me to look at the outside of his pinky so i could tell him how deep the gash was but i couldn't do it.
it made me think of tin can edges cutting my eyeballs.
later, when he was rifling through my purse looking for a pen i warned him not to cut himself.

9:04 p.m. - Nov. 09, 2008

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ADDed

i'm stressed!
i think i have ADD.
i googled symptoms and it reads like my life. i thought it was just personality quirks...
what do you mean people don't lose their wallets 3 times a week?

7:04 a.m. - Oct. 27, 2008

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getting geared up for Halloween

the baby girl and i are chilling in Edm. staying at my sister's place, shopping, doing craft stuff.
i miss my son though. i can hear him on the phone when i call Michael. they won't be here till Friday for the big Halloween bash.
hopefully someone will have put an offer on our current house by then.
the new house will be ready by December.
man, we gotta stop doing stuff all at once.

6:34 a.m. - Oct. 26, 2008

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name that baby

Saturday Oct. 11 - around 3pm - Michael and I sat in that hospital room.
we couldn't leave until we filled out the birth registration form.
we 'agreed' on a name the night before but i couldn't bring myself to sign.
i had dreams about it.

i didn't want to name her 'Autumn'.
because i could forsee how the filipino accent would mutilate the name so it would spew forth from lips like a verbal fart.
after a few hours we decided on the only other name we agreed on.
it wasn't the first choice on either of our lists i'm sure.
but i love it now.
i can't wait to watch her grow into her bratty mini-me self.

10:02 p.m. - Oct. 19, 2008

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birth 2

in less than 24 hours, we will be welcoming our second little one into the world!
i'm pretty sure it's a girl...
i can only hope that my relationship with my daughter is healthy and nurturing.
my mom and i always had this weird power struggle; where i wouldn't respect her authority and she wouldn't respect my individuality.

plus she would give me advice during movies like 'oh, that's why she's going to get killed - because she's fooling around with her boyfriend in a cemetary in the dark - and that's why you should stay a virgin till you're married..'
and i would be 12 years old going 'wha?'
these are the gems of wisdom that i'm supposed to live by?

don't make out with people in the cemetary and don't shave your legs because the hair will just fall off on its own.

3:20 p.m. - Oct. 08, 2008

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38 weeks and counting

i'm looking up natural ways to induce labor.

"Prostaglandins are hormones that help in inducing labor. If you're well beyond your due date and your doctor induces labor, he will probably use a prostaglandin gel to help 'ripen' the cervix."

Apparently, semen is supposed to contain this specific hormone so they tell you to have sex.
that's insane. sex at 38 weeks is not hot. especially if your baby is kicking during and your husband is giving you the anxious face.

9:17 p.m. - Oct. 01, 2008

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muscles, muzzles, mussels

i've been mis-pronouncing mussels for a long time now.
i've always said 'muzzles'.
apparently it's supposed to sound like 'muscles'.

4:10 p.m. - Sept. 30, 2008

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fat and not going to Europe

if i hear about one more friend traipsing around Europe, i'm going to...
well do nothing.
maybe watch Law and Order reruns.
*sigh*

11:51 a.m. - Sept. 23, 2008

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Puck, Butts and Rocks

went to Banff yesterday, came back cooked a side dish last minute and went to Jon's birthday party.
went to Drumheller early this morning. hit the museum.
dude, i'm tired and cranky but it was nice to go sightseeing with Michael's cousin and buddies.
and the munchkin had a good time.
his words are all mixed up.
he's all 'butt! butt!' and he's talking about his toy bus.
and 'puck! puck!' and he's talking about his bottle of milk.
the word he says quite clearly though is 'Rocks'.
'Rocks! Rocks! Rocks!' all the way up the gondola.

10:31 p.m. - Aug. 31, 2008

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cooking nerd

i made french style baguettes yesterday. which i made into garlic cheese toast today.
i like baking.
it's about the only productive thing i can do between playtime, diaper time, snack time, playtime, diaper time, and snack time...

3:25 p.m. - Aug. 28, 2008

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the kids aren't alright

my parents have already made the new flips on the block paranoid about non-filipinos.
stuff like:
'be careful when their kids come over 'cause if they get hurt at the house, the parents will sue you..'
one of the non-flip moms offered to have the kids over at their house instead - but the fob mom declined saying 'if my kids go over there, i'll have to go over there to supervise.'

um. you don't watch them when they're at your own house.

i sat trapped in the livingroom with the hellions for 3 hours by myself.
then i booked a flight home.

9:10 a.m. - Aug. 28, 2008

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celeb whore - suburb entertainment

a friend of mine from California fed-exed me a copy of the Holy Grail that is the Brange twins People mag.
because it wasn't on the newstands here at the time they said it was released.
it's like getting candy in the mail!
Lauryn Hill has a still unamed 7 month old daughter?!
that's going to be me.
i'm just going to let Luke name the next baby.
she'll probably be 'rabey' as he has a scooby doo accent at the moment.

1:03 p.m. - Aug. 13, 2008

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people who call me 'Janice' suck

RING RING RING!!!!
nothing like waking up to a call from a debt collector.
i thought it was a joke.
i was like 'who?'
and the chick mispronounced every name that i had except 'Janice' - which i hate.
the second person i spoke to - after i hung up on the first one (i think they play good cop/bad cop - so if you hang up on the first person, you get a less aggressive person who will call you back and be more nice to you) - asked that why - if all of my other accounts are in good standing - had i left this account to go deliquent?
i said that i forgot.
he said that he would give me the benefit of the doubt.
dude, welcome to my brain. i can't remember who i was dating when i had this account and therefore don't know who was paying it.

so anyway this blows.
plus i think i'm having false labour contractions. which means i feel the pain but it's not REAL labour. it's just PRACTICE. goody!

that stupid bill is going to drive me crazy till i pay it.
i'm going to end up taking a 4 month mat leave at this rate...

9:33 a.m. - Aug. 13, 2008

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getting some action at work

I�ve been listening to audio books lately.
The latest being Charly�s Web by Joy Fielding.
I�m not going to bother looking at the DVD jacket to find out if it�s spelled correctly.
It reads like a thriller romance novel that�s trying to be edgy.
Except that the story line starts with a woman on death row going �I�ll tell you my story�visit me every week��
And you know it�s going to be this soap opera style of bait and dangling.
The main character is supposedly this big mouthed, strong minded woman � except with every confrontation she�s always �biting back a sharp remark� or �fighting back tears� or stifling whatever.
The subject � kidnapping, child abuse � pretty gruesome yes � and the author doesn�t want you to forget it. But you only get the details of the crime and no real background behind the motivation. And she always refers to them as the �innocent children� or just �the innocents�.
In the end the ballsy main character gets some dude she doesn�t really know to save her ass (and innocent children) from the other dude she didn�t really know who turned out to be the psycho mastermind. She even asks the guy �is this how you do it?� as she punches out the evil lawyer.
I have this relationship with books and movies akin to the chick who wants more from a guy but she always hooks up with dudes from the bar.
I don�t really go beyond the �staff picks� for books.
I like safe movies that don�t make me think.

So I�m on to �Middlesex� by Jeffery Eugenides. Which is already more entertaining�
��german wasn�t good for conversation because you had to wait until the end of the sentence for the verb � and so couldn�t interrupt��
It�s about a girl that finds out she�s a hermaphrodite.
Yippee! Scandalous and intriguing!

2:54 p.m. - Jul. 31, 2008

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blognigger wha?

from
http://www.blognigger.com/2008/07/declaration-of-co-dependence.html
- of course i don't live in Park Slope - but this applies to pretty much anywhere...

The Declaration of Co-Dependence

WE THE PARENTS of Park Slope and the surrounding vicinity hereby declare our realization that we and our children can, at times, be annoying as FUCK. We are naturally compelled to value our children's feelings and well-being above all else, frequently to the exclusion of our consideration for others, our capacity for courtesy, and our common sense.

Notwithstanding this concession, it is our observation that our Childless Neighbors are prone to aggressive and rude responses to our faux pas, which often far outweigh the damages caused by our initial slights of manners in the first place.

It is from this dichotomy, and for the inalienable truth that our two species must co-exist and co-depend on one another in this neighborhood, that WE THE PARENTS propose these official tenets of behavior, in order that we may ease relations through the removal of situational interpretation via the creation of the following standard operating procedures:

Article I: Sidewalk Behavior

I.a.1 - Parents with strollers shall not occupy more than 66% of the width of a given sidewalk's walking area, except for periods of less than ten seconds when passing jutting storefront artifacts such as elongated entranceways, outdoor eating areas, or subway stations.

I.a.2 - As mothers, especially new mothers, are often hormonal masses of cluelessness, fathers will be responsible for a family's compliance with article I.a.1. Childless Individuals are urged to take special note of these characteristics of a mother's mind state, and to factor this understanding into their reactions to violations of Article 1.a.1; a mother's failure to make room for you on the sidewalk does not derive from her arrogance, though it may easily be mistaken for such; said failure is merely motivated by obliviousness due to lack of sleep, individual freedom, and the chemical demand of continual and exclusive focus on her children.

I.a.3 - In cases where Article I.a.1. is violated, Childless Individuals are requested to keep a sense of propriety and a sense of humor regarding the violation. It is recommended that a victim of this violation simply blurt "careful!," "'scuse me!," or even "Article 1!" - but should attempt to refrain from getting bent outta fuckin shape: There is no reason to shoot the mother a psychotic Billy Corgan look, act like a self-important fuckin douche bag, or invoke hatred and negativity as if someone just flew a 747 into your office building. At the end of the day, is getting where you're going 30 seconds earlier really worth all that? Don't worry - I guarantee you'll still get home in time to watch the new episode of The Cunt - and if you don't you should have Tivo'ed it; either way it will be on In-Demand in a couple of days at most.

I.b.1 - Children who ride scooters, skates, bicycles, skateboards, or rollerblades on sidewalks, must be carefully monitored by their parents. It is unacceptable for parents to allow their children to create unsafe sidewalk conditions by violating common sense in this situation.

I.b.2 - In the case of a violation of Article I.b.1, parents are hereby forbidden to make the "isn't he cute face" at the victim of the violation. This is in strict accordance with The Universal Axiom: "Nobody Thinks Your (fuckin) Kid is Cute But You."

I.b.3 - In benign cases of sidewalk riding, e.g. a 5-year-old girl merely riding a pink-princess scooter down a side street, smiling in the warm summer sun, and through necessity approaching the spot where a Childless Individual is walking, said Childless Individual is requested to not act as though they've just seen their fucking grandparents murdered by Joeseph Stalin. This is a fucking neighborhood, in fact it's Park Slope, and there are going to be fucking kids on the street. This especially goes for big angry dykes, skinny single white people with tight black jeans who think they are fuckin Quentin Tarantino, and angry greying hippies and gay men: Get the fucking sticks out of your asses - it's a little girl on a scooter, not a fucking escaped war criminal from Neurnberg. Remember, if you're going to go ape-shit every time you see a kid in the neighborhood, you are PROVEN RETARDED by the Arnold Schwartzenegger postulate of Q2 '08.

Article II: Restaurant Behavior

II.a.1 - As a general tenet to guide behavior in restaurants, parents agree to abide by The Universal Axiom: "Nobody Thinks Your (fuckin) Kid is Cute But You." For example, in the situation where a family is at a booth directly behind another booth containing 2 Childless Individuals, parents are forbidden to make the "isn't he cute" face to the Childless Individuals as their child stands on the seat and drools at the Childless Individuals over the booth divider.

II.a.2 - Fathers are (again) required to act as the guardians of Article II.a.1, as mothers cannot reasonably be expected to realize that Childless Individuals will fucking VOMIT from watching their kid drool canned corn over the divider.

II.b.1 - Clueless slacker Gen-Y waiters are urged to realize that kids are fucking time bombs, and if they aren't screaming and crying yet they will be soon - please get our family's order chop chop boys, and get us the food, and then the check, and let us get home, and don't be dickin around like we're a couple of melodramatic ambiance-seeking divorcees on a first J-date.

II.c.1 - Infants / Babies / Toddlers who shriek at > 9Khz for more than 60 seconds are required to be removed from earshot of a restaurant's common eating area, regardless of circumstance or time-of-day. Parental facial-expressions attempting to elicit sympathy from Childless Individuals in this scenario form grounds for lifetime bans from ALL Park Slope restaurants.

II.d.1 - Children are allowed in ALL Park Slope restaurants before 8pm, including Blue Ribbon and Presto.

II.d.2 - The following is a list of grace-period restaurants that shall permit children between the hours of 8pm and 9:30pm:

Pizza Plus
Bonnie's Grill
Purity Diner
Aunt Suzie's
Two Boots
Song
Red Hot II (punishment for closing)
Grand Canyon
Yamato
Tutta Pasta (let 'em have it)
Rancho Alegre
Joe's Pizza
Amin
La Taqueria
Uncle Moe's
Two Boots
II.d.3 - Children are not permitted in any Park Slope restaurant after 10pm. Anyone tryin' to get laid by shelling out 200$ at Sette at 10pm shouldn't have to listen to a fuckin kid screaming - I don't care what neighborhood it is.

II.d.3 - Bar amendment: If you are a parent, you know by now that part of your life is over. Well, it's this part. Bars are places for people to get wasted, get irresponsible, and praise jesus one in a million: get laid. Children are hereby forbidden in ANY Park Slope bar, with the exception of the little shitty one in the front of Two Boots. If this disturbs the wacky 4 locals I always see hanging out there, talking to the Hawaiian shirt guy and that hot chick - what the hell are you doing there so much anyway? You remind me of the girls in my high school that used to mysteriously hang out in the nurse's office. Parents are urged to recognize the ludicrousness of bringing KIDS into a BAR. These establishments are the last vestiges of a neighborhood that is owned by children, and they shall henceforth be respected as such. If you must think in selfish terms for your own species, and can't just do it for the Childless Individuals, do it for the fathers at the end of their ropes. Do it for the poor couples who have finally managed to afford a babysitter for a single regressive evening. One day you too will require respite.

Article III: Bookstore Behavior

III.a.1 - no children shall be allowed in the following bookstores:

Community Bookstore / cafe - 143 7th Ave between Garfield and Carroll
Park Slope Books / used & rate - 200 7th Ave between 2nd and 3rd

III.a.2 - no complaining about children, including dirty looks / muttering, shall be allowed in the remaining park slope bookstores, including:

7th Ave Books / new,used, out-of-print 202 7th Ave between 2nd and 3rd
Barnes & Noble 257 7th Ave

Barnes and Noble is a fucking circus. Childless Individuals, if you don't expect it to be a fucking circus and you go there anyway, you're retarded. Stay at home on fucking amazon if silence is so goddamn crucial. This isn't Alexandria; You're in Park Slope and this kind of clueless behavior puts you in danger of being deemed RETARDED by the Arnold Schwartzenegger principal of Q2 '08.

Article IV: Movie Theater Behavior

IV.a.1 - Children shall not be permitted in movie theaters after 8pm. It is recommended that non-Puerto Rican parents who bring their children into movie theaters past 8pm submit themselves for dna testing to determine whether trace amounts of Puerto Rican genes do in fact exist in their lineage.

IV.a.2 - In general, movies with a rating above PG are not for children. No children of any kind shall be permitted in movies with a rating of PG-13 or greater.

IV.a.3 - Childless Individuals, if attending G-rated movies that appeal to them, such as "Wall-E" or the re-release of The Sound of Music (hello gay friends of Liza Manelli), shall not act surprised and indignant if kids talk during these movies. You're at a fucking disney film, shrivel-nuts. Stop acting like Mr. Burns and support the survival of the human race for a change.

Article V: Supermarket Behavior

V.a.1 - Fathers especially realize that mothers in Supermarkets are astoundingly selfish. The most common problematic practice of a Park Slope Mom is to leave her shopping cart, with child, in the middle of an aisle whilst she goes to compare the prices of Wheat-Free Penne. If the mother was not missing the functions of a crucial piece of her brain, she could pull the cart closer to the Wheat-Free Pasta shelf, and allow easy access for all.

V.a.2 - Fathers are charged with making sure that the situation described by Article V.a.1 is remedied as quickly as possible. In cases where Fathers are physically unable to alleviate the problem, (e.g. he is physically blocked by the victim's shopping cart and unable to move his wife's shopping cart out of the way) the father will be required to perform an eye-roll, a slight head shake, or some other body language that communicates to the victim that he/she is in the right, that the father is sorry, that the mother is a selfish retard, and that the whole debacle is but a symptom of a hell the father has to live with every day.

Article VI: Subway Behvaior

VI.a.1 - If you're on a fucking F train and a pregnant woman gets on, give her your fucking seat. Who the fuck RAISED you?

VI.a.2 - Don't bring your big-ass fuckin BIKE on the train at rush-hour, douche. (unrelated)

VI.a.3 - Parents are urged not to bring strollers onto the train during Rush Hour. If you absolutely must violate this directive, parents must make sure their stroller is folded. If you absolutely can't fold the stroller (e.g. you have 2 kids with you and the stroller-bound kid isn't walking yet) then you should recognize that you are unfairly taxing the system. You will be permitted on the train, but should show humility by moving as close to the middle of the train as you can (i.e. not blocking the doors), keeping your head down, and NEVER giving an "isn't-he-cute" face to the commuters who are the victims of your violation.

VI.a.4 - Douchebags getting angry at parents in violation of VI.a.4 - don't be such fucking assholes. You have no idea what the circumstances are here, so try and have a heart. If you are physically able to, give your seat to this parent, as it will make more room for everyone involved if this stroller can be up against a seat.

VI.a.4 - If you have more than 4 kids on the train on a regular basis, then what the fuck are you doing? Why do you keep having fucking kids and then bringing them on the subway? Dominicans are excused from this question and Chassid's aren't; just because.

VI.a.5 - When entering / leaving a train station, if a Childless Individual is physically able and is NOT in a rush, (i.e. you will NOT expected to make yourself late for an important meeting in order to uphold Article VI.a.5) you are requested to help women with heavy strollers up/down the stairs. What's your fucking problem? Think of your mom or your sister struggling with a stroller and depending on the kindness of a stranger. Send me a .jpg of your tarred, deflated, wrinkled black heart.

This Declaration, and the laws of Park Slope which shall be made in pursuance thereof; and all treaties made, or which shall be made, under the authority of the Brooklyn, NY, shall be the supreme law of the land; and the judges at every streetcorner shall be bound thereby, anything in the Declaration or laws of any neighborhood to the contrary notwithstanding.The Declaration of Co-Dependence

Article I: Sidewalk Behavior

Article II: Restaurant Behavior

II.d.1 - Children are allowed in ALL Park Slope restaurants before 8pm, including Blue Ribbon and Presto.

II.d.2 - The following is a list of grace-period restaurants that shall permit children between the hours of 8pm and 9:30pm:

Article III: Bookstore Behavior

III.a.1 - no children shall be allowed in the following bookstores:

Community Bookstore / cafe - 143 7th Ave between Garfield and Carroll
Park Slope Books / used & rate - 200 7th Ave between 2nd and 3rd

III.a.2 - no complaining about children, including dirty looks / muttering, shall be allowed in the remaining park slope bookstores, including:

7th Ave Books / new,used, out-of-print 202 7th Ave between 2nd and 3rd
Barnes & Noble 257 7th Ave

Article IV: Movie Theater Behavior

IV.a.2 - In general, movies with a rating above PG are not for children. No children of any kind shall be permitted in movies with a rating of PG-13 or greater.

Article V: Supermarket Behavior

Article VI: Subway Behvaior

VI.a.1 - If you're on a fucking F train and a pregnant woman gets on, give her your fucking seat. Who the fuck RAISED you?

VI.a.2 - Don't bring your big-ass fuckin BIKE on the train at rush-hour, douche. (unrelated)

10:04 a.m. - Jul. 09, 2008

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that was zen, this is tao...

Mags Gyllenhall on being a mom:

"I never knew that i could be so tired.
I never knew that i could work so hard.
I never knew that i could love so much or be so patient or be so excited by the tiniest, tiniest little thing."

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Also, Luke and I had the slap fight yesterday and I won.
yeah baby.

12:05 p.m. - Jul. 02, 2008

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whale pod casting

i'm listening to 'Night School' - pulp fiction podcast.
it's about a teenager that is getting recruited to a vampire school.
it's rife with cliches.
and the reader.
ugh.
someone took that cop from 'Fargo'
and plopped her in a recording studio.
she's emphasizing words that shouldn't be emphasized.
her trailer accent is driving me crazy.
the end line:
'life does suck. but sometimes you don't die. sometimes you are reborn...'
aargh!!

11:21 a.m. - Jun. 17, 2008

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blah and bland

i felt like i was on top of
most things today.
house was clean.
food was served on time.
got baking done.
made some cards.
got shopping done - planned meals
for the rest of the week.
baby was happy.

but it's 11:30pm and it feels like
it was all a waste of time.
maybe i'm concentrating on the wrong things.

11:29 p.m. - Jun. 15, 2008

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sleepless and unproductive

hey, i'm up late partying!...hell not really.
i made the mistake of falling asleep at some lame hour like 8:30.
i don't know if it's an internal clock or what but i wake up after 6-8 hours after i go to sleep regardless of what time it is.
so yeah, i woke up 3 HOURS ago.
i had sleep issues when I was pregnant last time too but this waking-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-thing-if-i-sleep-too-early is pretty much normal.
i just can't sleep a lot.
which sucks because i'm too lazy to do anything productive.
maybe i should clean the house?
my sister is going to be here in 7 hours. maybe i can start the slow-cooker thing and have something ready by lunch? maybe i can play scramble for another hour? (it probably has to do with me not being very thorough but i really suck at that game).
i guess i can watch my movie.
Vampires in Havana or My Summer of Love?
sometimes i feel bad for Michael because i have such awful taste in music/movies.
Summer of Love on fast forward it is!

4:19 a.m. - Jun. 06, 2008

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freedom

i no longer have to deal directly with clients on a day to day basis.
sweet!
my new role consists of me sitting on my butt with my mp3 player on and for the most part NOT talking to people.
my favourite!

12:16 p.m. - May. 29, 2008

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what would Tyler Durden do?

"Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt came home from their extra fancy Monaco trip last night, but they spent the day on a yacht owned by Paul Allen, the co-founder of Microsoft (net worth � 16.8 billion).
Pax and Maddox climbed all around his helicopter and rode jet skis all day. After that they used big bags with dollar signs on them as pillows during a nap, then had a diamond fight on a pterodactyl. "

(wwtdd.com)

10:37 p.m. - May. 20, 2008

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baby stripper

i went to the baby's room the other night because i heard him babbling.
it was 10pm and he usually sleeps through the night.
when i opened the door, he had thrown out his blankets, pillow, and soother on the floor.
as well as his diaper.
he had a shirt on and nothing else.
he was jumping on the mattress and when i looked closer, he had peed the bed.

he is almost 15 months old!
he can say:
ball
book (kook kook)
shoes
socks
toes
cracker (ka-kaw)
car
cheese
chewy

he can make monkey sounds, car sounds, and duck quacks.

2:15 p.m. - May. 18, 2008

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i brot you a flower but i eated it

it's summer! time to run around in the sun, unfettered, unsweatered, unencumbered.

i saw this BMW convertible the other day and i was like 'nice!'
then i saw the driver and i was like
'um, they sell BMWs at Walmart now?'

10:16 p.m. - May. 15, 2008

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Happy Mom's Day

i SUCK at Scramble..
it's like boggle.
my sister can't spell for crap - and i'm getting my ass handed to me on a platter.

i got toddler scribbles on a mother's day card today. we went to the park and had lunch after. me, the husband, the baby, and the dog.
it was a very good mother's day.
i still can't believe i'm a mom sometimes.

10:48 p.m. - May. 11, 2008

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footloose and husband-free

i'm husband-free for 3 days.
it won't be too bad, my sis is going to be in town. we will take our babies with us for a mommys' dinner tomorrow night.
Munchkin is teething. last night he was hurting so bad he couldn't keep his soother in. i thought he was just having nightmares but i could see his molars poking through today. i have to make him laugh real hard so i can see way into his mouth.
...i have Desperate Housewives on. sheesh. Nicolette is lookin' like a corpse. fack - everyone is getting old. i'm afraid of getting wrinkly and crotchety without having done anything significant.
it would probably help if i worked on my designs tonight - as we have a meeting on Wednesday - as opposed to playing word games with my sister - who's kicking my ass online.

10:24 p.m. - May. 11, 2008

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silver dragon tales

it's a shame that going out for dinner with a friend has turned into a luxury.
everyone seems to have their faces buried in work these days.
they sat us at the table around the back of the restaurant. where the owners kids were playing 'lets-hit-each-other-with-sharp-objects-and-see who-gets-yelled-at-first'.
i wanted seafood COCONUT curry not
regular curry! gawd!

- i checked out hawaii's MLS listings and perused through pictures of a garish house being offered for 77 million.

10:48 p.m. - May. 08, 2008

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to spank or not to spank?

the munchkin is hitting. and kicking. and fake crying. when do people usually start beating their children?
my hand is itching to spank his butt.

my parents used flip flops on our asses.
the fear was way worse than the pain.

7:43 p.m. - Apr. 30, 2008

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house and stuff

picked the new house colours last weekend. it's going to be pale blue-grey with black stone around the garage, and white windows. i wanted a red front door - but chickened out.
then we went to check out M's friends' house that's being built a few minutes away...it has 10 bathrooms, an elevator, and servants quarters.
Munchkin jumped in the mud puddles outside.
we have an order to print 180 shirts for a kids' soccer team, dentist appointments for all 3 of us tomorrow - including 2 doctor's appointments for me, one meeting with a financial advisor, a visit, a birthday party, and a scrapbooking thing all this weekend.
i want to sleep for a few days.

9:30 p.m. - Apr. 29, 2008

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sunday brunch